You’re only blood and bones. You come to life only because of what I imagine you to be. An intrusive thought, a vampire sucking all my energy. What I envision as the “would be, should be, could be.” You’re not real you’re just a reflection of me, yet I still can’t seem to get over … Continue reading You’re not even real, you’re what I imagine you to be; yet, I can’t get over you.

I feel as we become more progressive in our everyday thinking, women are accelerating far too quickly into the independent, conquer all,zero fucks given out to anyone who holds a door or attempts to assist in anyway; to put up with the bare minimum that is being pumped out by the new crop of “living … Continue reading Am I settling into a Darwinism of not needing a man or is it simply accepting that I can’t evolve past mastering emotional connection, so I just switch it off?

Have you ever been completely obsessed with a show, raving about it to your friends, assigning the characters to people in your life and thinking, wow I am SOOO the main character, I like, totally relate! (To be read in a, “Sweet Valley High” accent). And yes, I just dated myself. I have become a … Continue reading Secondhand perception when you revisit a book or television series. Character development or simply better clarity on shitty writing?

Have you ever been told you’re being, “too much” or a “handful” or simply just, “overwhelming” ? Welcome to the “you’re actually fucking fabulous and shine too bright for this basic, motherfucker” club! Ladies… never accept the shade of you’re too much. All that means is, whatever party you are with simply can’t handle the … Continue reading I would rather be too much than too little.

It is inevitable; all the traumas you go through in life. Your soul bound to be fragmented . The dream that you will come out perfectly unscathed at the end, just that, a dream. Yet, we boldly keep marching forward. Broken, our half smiles of deceit plastered to our faces. We move forward, although each … Continue reading I had a dream last night. And it felt just like a dream.

When he says interesting dress, he means interesting dress. Could you imagine a man just being honest and candid? Taking all the guesswork out of mind reading and over analyzing? Having a complete understanding of what he means without the gaslighting and manipulation tactics. By…*Gasp*… being honest? Maybe I am just holding onto the thought … Continue reading I’m looking for my Mister Big… but let’s be real, I’m my biggest cock block.

Let’s be real, here.. is there a food that can outshine the potato? I’ll wait… French fried, mashed, scalloped, totted, loaded, baked… The list goes on. Filling enough to be a meal but light enough to be considered a salad. Potatoes can be the main course or a side dish. Enjoyed as a breakfast food, … Continue reading The ideal food… is the potato.

The setting… after a night of binge watching “Dance Moms” while melting into your couch (what’s a better show to make you feel like a normie?!?!) A whopping 92 degrees in your house, which is why you’ve resorted to using the “bedroom” fan in the living room. Your boyfriend is asleep in said bedroom and … Continue reading Fixing a fan, nekked at midnight. Okay, it’s closer to 2 a.m. But let’s be real, are you up reading this?!?

“Romantic rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings. Being romantically rejected can be a familiar feeling that mirrors one's childhood, leading that person to seek out more of the same. We become obsessed with certain people because we have fundamental neural systems that drive us into a state of … Continue reading Obsession, I’ll change me; to be who you want me to be… sounds authentic enough, right?

Accolades for surviving another day without eating your offspring! It is so fun to watch all the Mother’s Day post pop up on my social media. All the pictures of the perfect families, smiling children, glowing moms and of course the occasional bemused dad should he be unlucky enough to have to endure the multitude … Continue reading To all mothers every other day besides Mother’s Day.

What in the actual foot eating, bbq an ear, cluster fuck of finger licking goodness is going on in this world?!? So I was having a completely random conversation with my daughter, as per the norm with us… And there was a particular subject we touched upon that really piqued my creative juices.. It was … Continue reading Legal cannibalism

Have you ever accepted a certain treatment or series of behaviors from a spouse or partner, or even a friend or family member? I think we all have. Welcome to my Ted talk. Today on the menu is punishments and when we need to walk away from the people who administer them. Have you ever … Continue reading When to stop accepting punishment for crimes uncommitted.

I have to flex for a hot minute.. When I say I have the best of friends, I’m not bragging. I’m just stating a basic truth. Ditch the catty bitches and find yourself a jail cell -sharing, shovel handy, dig ready, no questions asked, ride or die friend. There is something to be said for … Continue reading Shitbiscliterally… be that kind of friend. Especially when shit hits the fan!

Emotionally deficient need not apply 1. He must have a head, for what is a relationship without intelligent conversation? Ideas and thoughts to bounce back and forth? Difference of opinions to help aid learning and growth. The ability to broaden horizons and challenge each other. 2. He must have a heart. The organ that beats … Continue reading Desperately Seeking A Full Man

A deadly love song The art of revealing truth through riddles. Words to tell another’s soul what the mouth can’t. Poetry is the raw and intangible, hidden beneath something more. Palatable for the masses… thinly veiled secrets. The mess of emotions confined -tightly within neat, flowery prose. It’s the unspoken thoughts, wrenching free from the … Continue reading Poetry

A comprehensive guide to not being a dick with your dick. Take a few lessons from a lesbian and humble your damn self. When you envision your manhood conquering hordes of big busted women and bringing great honor to their families for being taken by such a wily stallion.. while spearheading the virtues of virgins … Continue reading For all the boys out there watching porn.. you should be watching lesbian porn because you have no idea what you’re doing.

Ladies.. STOP. Listen and think like a man. “For a good time call” is not on your business card! Nor should it be in your dating life. I have recently experienced the, “good time girl” role -as an adult. I haven’t been in this head space since my break up from my 20 year relationship. … Continue reading If you’re looking for a good time girl, please hang up and dial again.

Have you ever needed to say something clearly, concisely, and devoid of emotion? Glaringly painful, raw facts but can’t quite construct it succinctly? Trying desperately to convey your very soul, without giving away more of yourself than you already have? Have you ever needed to abolish a 14 year friendship? Well my darling, bleeding hearts, … Continue reading A template for the broken hearted.

When you need to digest a frenzy and choke down some hard truths. Fourteen years of the same ride. The thrill at the crest… elation.. that high. Then the fear of the descent, knowing that your brain is going to rattle, that building anticipation of a potential aneurysm, wondering if your cage is going to … Continue reading A small emotional salad with some mixed signals on the side, table for one – please.

When your rational thoughts are assembling the puzzle, but your emotions are the Judas who is fucking with all the pieces. It’s 4 am. My body lies still in bed, in a state of repose. Yet, my brain is going a million miles an hour. Like a steam engine that has been fully fueled and … Continue reading Insomnia

Don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious!! Do you ever have one of those nights that you’re body says, “Okay guys, we are tired! Bedtime!!” And the rest of your joints and muscles rejoice? So you do the whole bedtime routine… brush your teeth, pee, wash your hands, look at your face full of makeup and … Continue reading I’m up all night to get none….

Have you ever tread the waters of uncertainty? The slow transition from one unknown to another myriad of mysterious rules and roles? The place in between? I am constantly trying to level up. My mental peace, my self-awareness, my adaptability, my happiness. I am teetering between who I was and who I could be. I’m … Continue reading Becoming a choice, not an option.

Boundaries have been set, ground rules laid, terms achieved. Yet, I’m confused. What is the point for the guy (who is willing to take the end game off the table) just to cuddle? Is it a feeling induced decision? A hope that it will be placed back on the table? Is it the need for … Continue reading Parameters.

“What are your parameters? I have no rules. “ Have you ever dreamed of something for so long, that it actually became intangible? Something so unattainable that it was like a top shelf tchotchke that gains value just because it’s been in your family for so long? Something you’ve convinced yourself for years, was not … Continue reading There are no rules.

Possibly an insightful guide to good girls who are maybe not that good. Let’s start off with a little backstory. I have loved hotdog pie for several years now. Sometimes I go months without eating it and sometimes I frequent the recipe once a week or so. Hotdog pie fills me in a way that … Continue reading Tightrope walking the thin line between Hotdog pie and ice cream.

A modern blondes take on shedding your skin and traveling the world. I don’t know when it happened exactly. That itch. The kind of uncomfortableness that makes your skin crawl until you scratch it raw. The kind of discomfort that leaves the epidermis burning and you; just about mad enough to try and rip yourself … Continue reading All who wander are not lost… unless of course it is me. I am most assuredly lost!

A letter to cease My Dearest John, I am sorry that I have to do this in a letter. Poor form I know, but I have thought long and hard and have come to the conclusion that we are no longer compatible. I know it is terribly cliche to leave you a “Dear John” letter, but … Continue reading The Decimation of an Arachnid’s Love Affair

So let’s just jump right in. Fuck all with the bandaid placing, mommy kissing boo-boo’s, cuddle and coddle waiting for someone to present you with a freaking trophy for mediocrity and actually get raw. SOULMATE LOVE. Is. A. Bullshit. Concept. The cut and dry. We as humans are fundamentally animalistic. 99 percent of us are … Continue reading Is a 7 year hiatus considered writers block or was it just a warm up?

Perfection has a Scent It is a crisp fall day. My ears pick up all the sounds of my neighborhood, alive and merry with the renewed, motivated bustle of people getting in their fall walks. Happy people chatting outside my window. People, who deep down know, like myself, that Winter is reposing in the grass … Continue reading Tales from an Outcast

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